Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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