So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
