C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize