I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
