discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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