before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
