bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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