If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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