she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't deserve a penis
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
