somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
