it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
