She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
