the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
