Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
