Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
