The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
