Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
