guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
