They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
