So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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