if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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