Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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