Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
