so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
