Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
