I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
