I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
