The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
