I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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