He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
