This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
