He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
