If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
