angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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