oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
