she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
