Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
