I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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