Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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