I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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