hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
