wanna go halves on a baby?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There's even glitter on my cock...
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