Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
