is wine microwaveable?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
