He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
