Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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