His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
