Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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