The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
