Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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