I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
