a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
